older entries

previous - next

2016-05-20 - 12:51 a.m.

#Mono atheist death: to die without god or child. Live free and die alone.:

I sometimes think I will live a long time. Maybe, sadly, I will outlive many of my friends.

Then I realize it's late and I'm staying up drinking by myself and that's kind of a death sentence, right? I'm dying right now, aren't I.

But I'm only kidding. We're all dying. I'm just a little drunk and no one is around. That doesn't make me any more dead. Maybe just a bit more pensive and a lot more thinking about death.

It's a thing though: death. And because Maia and I have come to the conclusion we won't have children, death is a bit more on my mind. Children are, after all, some kind of signifier of life. So the denial of children is some kind of denial of life, right?

Though the more I think about children the more I think it's the right choice for Maia and I to live without them. We've made zero plans to have children, zero allowances in our plans to make room for them. We have a life now and a future life later without them.

But we also have an impending death. We will die and all our things will go back to the earth or a pile somewhere or whatever. So then what is this for?

It's much like morality in the absence of a god. A non-problem for any thinking atheist. As if a god somehow solved the problem of morality, so to the problem of what to do with one's life (and death) is no more solved with children than without. We still have to figure out what the fuck to do. But it's a bit more of a salient problem, a little bit harder to ignore or pass on, in the stark godless, childless expanse of our future.

And so, it is in this wasteland of thought that I stay up, with a drink in hand, and think.

previous - next